I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
