I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We're too hungover to prance.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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