I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
