he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
