I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
