Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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