woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wanna passion pit in your ass
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
