she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
