i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
But break dance skills will only take you so far
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
