Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
