We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
