I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
