you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
