i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
