covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
