Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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