I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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