I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my liver is dry heaving
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
