i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
