I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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