You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
