I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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