I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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