I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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