After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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