dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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