He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
false alarm. still invincible.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
