I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
