Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
