The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize