Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize