you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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