if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Blood and glitter go together right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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