i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
