Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
