she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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