what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize