i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk is not a location!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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