omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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