Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
