She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
