her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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