addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
