When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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