Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
