my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
