You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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