so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
