it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
