Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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