Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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