I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
