O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
