He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
