I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
