i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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