ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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