Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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