Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
