so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
