Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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