the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
is that a dick in a sweater?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
