I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize