I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
