How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
