The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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