he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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