Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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