this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
