Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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