The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize