Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
