i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
