Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
