Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize