go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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