Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
