She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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