When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
