I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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