I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
