Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
