He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
