somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
