Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
