what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
