Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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