I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
