we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
