..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
