i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
