Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
