You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
