I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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