my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
third nipple confirmed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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