i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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