A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
