just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
