she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
