I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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