i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
