My first STD was from a foam party
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
