she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
