WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Randomize
