I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
