dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
