Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
