if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
