It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
